I have experienced a lot in my life, experiences that many would consider mistakes. I felt the need to live them, to feel them with my own senses. Everyone theoretically knows what life is, but life can only be known directly. Feeling it. Palpating her. Experiencing satisfactions and disappointments. Not from books or following the advice of others. Everyone experiences differently, lives and feels differently.
Venturing into your own life means walking your own path, breathing your own air. No one can live in your place. No one can feel for you. No one can step in your way. No one but you.
I wasn’t afraid to make mistakes. To choose a scenario out of many possible scenarios that I felt suited me best at a given moment and follow it, integrating it into my own life and making the best of it and then moving on if I felt that I have no reason to stay, aware and at peace that I did everything that could be done at that moment with what I had at hand.
I didn’t sit on the sidelines too long, not acting, left with questions about what might have been if I had acted, or regrets that I hadn’t. I tasted every experience I felt necessary, I felt it as part of me, without having preconceived ideas, dictated by society or others who lived similar experiences. Everyone knows the taste of a fruit only when they bite into it, not listening to the description made by others, the lamentations or exultations of others who have tasted the fruit in turn. The same way, we realize the heat of a flame by approaching it, feeling its heat. Some have a greater tolerance, others less, which they discover only by experiencing, not embracing the experiences of others. Until you burn yourself long enough to learn with your own senses how far you must stand from a flame so that it does not burn, but only warms, you have not learned all there is to learn about flame, and the advice of others about the danger of getting close to it doesn’t help much.
Each person is different, has a certain life experience, and all he can do to know oneself better and deepen his accumulated experience is to continue to live and experiment, to continue to evolve at his own pace, without stumbling into obstacles. To repeat an experience several times if you feel that there is something more to learn, to stay focused on it long enough to integrate it into your own structures, to learn everything there is to learn from it.
Preconceived calculations about the advantages and disadvantages of living a certain life experience only maintain the state of doubt, because every experience has its advantages and disadvantages, and from each we have something to learn. The question is which of the experiences do we feel more eager to embrace? Which calls us more with its song? Which do we feel we resonate with the most? Which one would we regret more if we didn’t pursue it and never have the opportunity to experience it in the future?
If you were to ask me if I have made mistakes in life, I would only say that I have experimented. I’ve had many experiences and I don’t consider any of them to be a mistake, but an opportunity that life threw my way and from which I learned more than from books or the advice of others. And even if others would consider them mistakes, they would be my mistakes, the touchstones that I passed through the filter of my own senses in order to overcome them, to move on, without regrets and resentments, which, as the years go by without focusing on the situations encountered, without trying to overcome what can be overcome, become more and more burdensome.
Juin 1-th
