A lived life implies an accumulation of experiences, the benefit of which we can see if we do not doubt too much about the choices we make, doubts that, with time, turn into regrets, limiting the perspective we have on life. There are people who doubt and people who always regret, who say that their lives would have been better if they were different, and when doubt and regret accumulate over time, life becomes hard and oppressive, not because of the passing years, but because of the way of thinking, not necessarily having to do with external events.
Doubt and regret dig deep into the foundation of the being, stripping it of the power to build a great life, like the dreams forged at the beginning of the journey. Everyone dreams in adolescence and early youth to have an extraordinary life, regardless of whether they are aware of this fact or not, that’s why no matter how hard or challenging that period is, there is the hope of the beginning, of the moment when the first steps in social life are made. Just as in the first years of life we take our first steps around the house, in the same way, we take steps later in life, driven by dreams that disappear along the way, leaving in their place doubts and regrets.
Where do all those dreams go? Why do we let the poison of doubt and then regret run through our veins? A dose of doubt is healthy to keep us alert and make the best decisions, but taking steps in life marked by doubt is a sign that we are moving away from the dreams created with so much care over time. Even if we followed the chosen path, as long as we are not convinced of the choice made, we would end up regretting it at some point, continuing the journey by virtue of inertia.
Doubt and regret keep us in the scenario we were in when we made the choice, preventing us from living our life, enjoying its ineffable, noticing the beauty of the landscape we pass by, seeing the opportunities that come our way. We often end up at a different point from where we started, still focused on and relating to the initial moment. As if, going on the road to a certain city according to the choice we make, we reach a certain point and, instead of observing the new reality, we think about how it would have been if we had chosen another destination and what benefits we could have had if we had followed a different route. And thus, we neither enjoy the benefits of the choice made, which exist anyway, we just don’t see them, nor the benefits of the other scenario, which we have not embraced for whatever reasons. And the more we doubt the chosen path, the more we want to see a certain finality, which will confirm that we have made the right choice, but the finality is delayed more and more as the doubt increases.
We need awareness, to put an end to the endless series of doubts and regrets that, over time, make our lives difficult and hard to bear.
The first step is to stop for a few moments and turn our attention to ourselves, remembering who we are. Whenever we have doubts about our own life it is good to anchor ourselves in what we already have and of which we are aware. Let’s remember our own qualities and strengths. Maybe we don’t have a career yet, but maybe we have a talent or a concern that brings us joy, that maybe is even appreciated by others. We may not have many friends, but we still have one we can count on.
The second step is to discover the advantages of the path we have followed until that moment, to find its benefits beyond the doubts and regrets that robbed us of this possibility of seeing these advantages. Let’s remember the people we met along the way and the experiences we had, the fact that they all taught us something, that we can learn from everything when we are receptive, regardless of the path we follow.
The third step is to try to find out if our goals in life have remained the same. Let’s try to find out what we really want from life at the moment, which may be different from what we wanted in the beginning. It is important to be aware of this fact beyond what others want for us, because it is our life and only we can know what we really want, not others who, even if they want our best, cannot see life from our perspective. Discovering what is best for us and what makes us happy the most makes us grow in our own life, it is the way to a fulfilled life.
The fourth step is to try to realize whether the path taken up to that point brought us closer to what we want from life, either we did not notice the benefits of the chosen path from the beginning due to doubts, or we settled in the meantime other goals we can achieve and if we follow that path, adapting our route to the new goals.
The fifth step is to make a new choice towards awareness. Either we continue our initially chosen path, but this time knowing the cause, leaving behind the doubts from the beginning, or we follow another path in accordance with our goals, which suits us better, on which we tread paying attention to the opportunities life throws our way. Nothing is ever lost, there is always a solution, just be receptive to what we think would be better to do at that moment.
The process of awareness is a process of inner analysis, at the end of which we come to understand that everything we experience brings us certain advantages, awareness that, in the end, leads to acceptance. Let’s accept that we did what we thought was best at the time. We can’t turn back time, so there’s no use in doubt or regret. And even if it seems to us that we have made a mistake, although there are no mistakes, only experiences, let’s admit that we can make mistakes, because we are human. It is advisable not to ask too much others’ opinion, because people, for the most part, having a different perspective on life, will try to convince us that we are wrong, which makes the process of awareness difficult. Only we can discover the advantages of the path we have followed, only we can find its benefits beyond the doubts and regrets that robbed us of this possibility.
Only when we manage to give meaning to the experiences we’ve lived, we manage to accept the choice made, reconcile with the past, continue on our way and discover the beauty of life in every moment. By understanding the past, we manage to release it through acceptance, leaving it behind to embrace the present, the only one that can lead us to the fulfillment of our ideals.
11.02.2024
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