Last year we decorated the Christmas tree. For most people, a Christmas tree is just an object you decorate. For me, it is much more than that. It is the memory of the few moments of peace experienced in childhood. That moment when I could enjoy myself, when I built dreams that I clung to with all my strength, floating in their vaporous rhythm. That ritual of decorating the fir tree on Christmas Eve. The all colored glass globes, taken out of well-packaged boxes, like precious jewels, the bells that glittered in the dark, the fireworks on the tree saved for Christmas evening, all of them would take me into another world, in which my child’s soul included the stretch of winter, banishing the cold from around, the cold from the soul.
That good, homely feeling would disappear once the tree was stripped of the ornaments that gave it its mythical allure. With the stripping of the tree, the spell would disappear, and I would become that crying child again, sad and scared, trying my best to survive in the world of adults, among prides and vain ambitions, among words that weighed down the atmosphere and burdensome sacrifices. Parting with the tree after the holidays was breaking my heart. I wished I could extend those days to infinity, I wished they would never end, to be able to live my dreams freely, to keep the magic in my soul, building a better world in my imagination. But after the holidays, everything became gray and empty again, and breathless. And me, with my sadness, trying my best to survive, to understand.
I kept the same habit for many years ago. Lying under the tree, staring long at the orbs and blinding lights, imagining everything. A warm and loving world full of magic, the child in me weaving long, colorful dreams, while witnessing the immaculate backdrop of winter.
The happiness of decorating the tree is the same today as it was then. However, I learned over time that, no matter how bad the living conditions are, we can dream, that no one can take away our faith and the power to dream, except our own fears and doubts. That we can keep the beauty of these moments throughout the whole year, wherever we are.
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