I recently re-read the story of the caterpillar transformed into a butterfly who, struggling to get out of the cocoon that covered him, was helped by a man who was passing by and, feeling sorry for him, cut the cocoon so that the butterfly can come out easily. But the butterfly could never fly. His body was frail, and his frail and wrinkled wings barely moved. The natural hardships that life had put him through to get out of the cocoon that covered him were necessary to prepare him for his flight, but the help given by the benevolent person condemned the butterfly to a life of suffering.
It can be easily deduced from this story that helping someone implies responsibility. It varies from one situation to another, but, mainly, discernment is needed so that the support given is a real help and not an act that, over time, proves to be a brake on the development of the person helped and of the who helps, who thus no longer cares about his own life, his own needs.
People who have succeeded in life by their own efforts are not so quick to help others, because they know very well the value and significance of every difficulty, every frustration or failure in their life. Real life means, especially in the beginning, a series of trials that need to be overcome with patience and trust that everything will be fine, that all these trials are necessary steps to one’s own development.
The greater resistance one has to frustration, the better prepared one is for life. Those who naturally lose themselves in any dissatisfaction, no matter how small, sink into their own helplessness and unhappiness. Resistance to frustration increases by overcoming uncomfortable situations, which familiarize the person with such experiences. That is why it is said that relationships that create a certain amount of frustration in addition to the necessary comfort, lead to the evolution of the people involved.
I think that the only forms of help that need to be given without an analysis are those aimed at saving the life of a person in danger, when we need to act urgently.
For the rest, it’s better to wait for them to ask our help, not to quickly jump to help others in anyway and anytime. Jesus did not help anyone without being asked, and sometimes he tested the faith of those he helped, a process meant to bring them the awareness necessary for the support given to reach His goal.
A person helped without asking for it, loses the opportunity of learning a lesson that life was just trying to teach him, and, on the other hand, he does not reach the necessary awareness to understand the value of the support given, nor the respect towards his benefactor.
Occasional help or that which does not require considerable time and effort can be given without too much thought, but consistent, substantial and long-term help must be given with caution, so as not to constitute a burden for the person to whom it is addressed and nor for the one who offers it.
Sometimes the measure with which we help also matters, in the sense that a smaller aid granted is not able to produce that opposite effect, which would constitute a burden for the people involved.
I think women are most likely to help others, especially their partners and children, because of their maternal instinct. Those women who always try to please their husbands and children only keep them frustrated, creating a feeling of not being able to do it on their own, a feeling of helplessness. Therefore, a healthy relationship is one in which there is a balance between giving and receiving, in other situations it is just a burdensome compromise for all the ones involved.
Sometimes it seems cruel not to help, especially if we are asked, because there are people who are always waiting for an outstretched hand from others, however, it would be better to visualize every time we want to help someone the image of that butterfly being helped out from his cocoon of the benefactor, whose good intentions lacking the necessary discernment led to the transformation of the butterfly into a victim, lacking the ability to fly any more.
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